One Year Without HIm

I will admit that I have been dreading the one-year anniversary of my dad's death. I'm not sure why, I mean it can't be worse than a year ago right. It is just really hard to think about it being a year since I have been able to pick up the phone and chat with him, get advice, whine about life etc. There are still plenty of times that I think about reaching for the phone to tell him something funny that they kids did or something crazy that happened at work. Songs seem to be a thing that really brings back memories of different times in my life with my dad too. Working through the grief of losing a loved one is very different and so much harder than I ever would have thought. I think my nurse brain saved me the day he died and the weeks after that. When things get super crazy, I go into nurse mode, and everything slows down and I start to do all the things that I need to do in that emergency situation. This is very helpful in a hospital setting where no one wants their nurse crying and freaking out when there is an emergency. However, I have learned with lots of counseling that this mind set also made it hard to process the grief of losing my dad when it happened. It was months later when everything was slowing down and life should have been returning to normal that I felt like my life was falling apart. I guess this was the point when I finally was letting everything sink in and it was hard! Thanks to my awesome husband for putting up with me even when I wasn't very easy to be around. I will say that mental health issues are not addressed enough, and I have tried to normalize talking about these issues with my kids.  Luckily, I have a wonderful support system and was able to find a counselor that I enjoy talking to and she gives me a lot of insight. Also, you can't go wrong with a few meds to level everything out and get you through. 

Steph, Jess and I decided to go to the cemetery and see the headstone that was installed and add a few personal touches. I have never been to Grimpton cemetery as much as I have in the last year. I have learned why my dad liked this place so much. It is in the middle of nowhere and very peaceful. We paid our respects and shed a few tears but mostly we shared all the funny memories of dad! 

There had been a really bad storm recently and a tornado had touched down not too far from the farm and the cemetery. Grandma and Grandpa Walnofer had a large tree fall on their roof and lots of other storm damage. The cemetery was also hit hard. Lots of downed trees and branches. We moved some of the branches off of headstones. We left wondering who was responsible for cleaning up the cemetery. It was g0ing to be a big job!

We have all made it through one year without dad, but it hasn't been easy. I guess if they weren't so great, we wouldn't miss them so much!