Family Surprises

My uncle Chet passed away, and Steph and I had planned to attend the funeral. Almost 20 years ago, his wife, Debbie, who was also my mom’s sister, passed away. At the time, I was in college, and Debbie and Chet’s two boys, Moses and Matthew, were graduating and heading off to college. Over the years, I didn’t keep in touch with Chet as much as I should have. Most of what I heard about him came through my mom or grandparents. Unfortunately, after Debbie died, the boys had a really tough time.

Moses moved to Oregon and seemed to be doing alright. He got married and had two daughters, but later got divorced. Talking to him, I found out he went through some really hard times, including going to rehab and surviving a serious car wreck that left him with lifelong health issues. Matthew, on the other hand, had multiple run-ins with the law over the years and has spent the last 16 years in prison. It’s difficult to think about the kids I grew up playing with and how much they've had to endure.

Steph and I were hoping Matthew could attend his father’s funeral, but we had no idea how that would work. We showed up early and spoke with mom, grandpa, Linda, Tim, and Doug. No one was sure if Matthew would be able to make it. I figured it might be like when they bring prisoners to the surgery center—no info about the time or date ahead of time to prevent them from planning anything.

When the service started, Chet’s current wife, Moses, and another man walked up and sat down in front. Steph and I exchanged glances, unsure if that was Matthew. He didn’t look like the Matthew we remembered, but then again, none of us look the same as we did 20 years ago. He had longer, slicked-back hair and a full beard. There was no guard with him, and he wasn’t shackled at all. We spent the entire service trying to figure out if the mystery man was our cousin. As they sat side by side, there was an unmistakable similarity between them.

After the service, we went down to the church basement for the luncheon. They were already seated, so what did Steph and I do? We sat next to them. Moses then introduced us to his half-brother, Evan. We were confused at first, but as we talked, we learned that this was the first time Moses and Evan had met. They had known about each other for 15 years, and Evan had actually met Matthew and Chet years ago. Turns out, Debbie had known about Chet’s three other children, but she never told her sisters. I can understand not telling Linda, who tends to be judgmental, but I’m surprised she didn’t mention the other kids. I guess it was the time of free love and too many drugs. Family secrets sure have a way of coming out at family functions.

We also found out that Matthew wasn’t able to attend the funeral. In prison, you’re not a priority. He didn’t even learn of his father’s death until three days later. There’s a process to request permission to attend a funeral, but it’s expensive—two guards, overtime pay, and transportation. You also need approval from the local sheriff. Matthew gets out in October and didn’t feel it was worth the effort, especially since his dad was already gone and he didn’t have the money to pay for it. I feel really bad about it.

When we spoke with mom, she mentioned that she didn’t think the sheriff would have approved it anyway because he was the one who had arrested Matthew and put him in jail. Fun fact: the sheriff was Don Henry, the man who dated my mom for a couple of years. I swear, you can’t make this stuff up!